Coming Alive

Where to begin....

With all good comes the bad in life,

but how grateful are we to know that through all the pain, heartache, and trials

we are still able to experience joy, happiness, and peace?

I believe that's what eventually gets everyone through the day 

and through the game of life.

Life is sure fun though, am I right?? ha
 For example, as you grow older you have that chance to look back;

Look back on all your past experiences
 *coughmistakescough*
take a lesson from most of them and try to become better.

Sometimes I feel as if I have heightened emotions and senses.

I get too excited, too depressed, too happy, too anxious.

I'm not trying to complain, in a way I'm very grateful.

Grateful for my emotions, senses, and intuition. 

(Now don't think 'well of course she has heightened emotions...

she's a girl' <stereotypical response from the misogynist>)
I can honestly say I wouldn't be me without my feelings. 

I've seen in my life that because of the way I feel,
it's easy to live in the past.

It's easy to hang and hold on to the things that I don't want to forget.
It's easy to cling to the good even if the bad by far outweighs it.
It's easy to remain stagnant and complacent.
It's easy to fear the future.
It's easy to keep looking back.

WHY?

Why do I do this especially when I know that
 moving forward is the only direction God gave me
The only direction He gave all of us.

It took some years but I have come to realize
 that this is my weakness
My flaw.
But I can't be immobilized by this.
There are times that I am numb and so hung up
on the past that when I snap out of it I find that
literally, days, have gone by.
 I find myself in a frantic panic,
Wondering where in the hell I've been?! 
That's it though,
Hell.
I made a personal hell for myself,
I've created this cage and isolate myself in it.

No more!
No more will I drift into this state.
No more will I keep clinging to the past,
especially when it's doing absolutely no good.
It's time to brush the stone off my shoulders and move forward.
My days standing as a statue are no more.

There's a good reason we can't go back to yesterday.
Where would any of us be if that were the case?
Tomorrow would never come,
Never hold hope for a better future.
And why would it?
When what we ruin today can be fixed yesterday?

It should be what we ruin today has a chance to be corrected tomorrow.
Every tomorrow holds hope.
Hope for a brighter day.
Hope for a better us.
Hope for an opportunity to grow.

Let's not be afraid to move forward,
Let's not keep living a statuesque life.
Let's start living and start growing.
Today's the day to begin again and not fear our futures.

Come Alive Today.

Dormant

I find growing up is tricky business.

I'm stuck in this slumber of not knowing if what I think is happening,

Is really happening!

I'm 21 and I should be "Seizing the Day"

Really I should Carpe the Hell out of my Diem!...

But I'm not.

The more and more things continue

I secretly want to hide away in the mountains

Or on the coastline.

I keep thinking:

Find a deserted place

Start anew there

Things will be good 

I know that's juvenile,

Buuut... it could happen,

Right??!

I so badly want to sleep for 5 years

And I pray to Thor that when I wake up

My life will be splendid!

I would have made it through this 

Hunger Game type arena called

'dating' and the 'singles ward'

Have a Dapper husband who adores me

A little girl 

curly blonde pigtails

Big blue eyes

 running around

not a care in the world.

Me, with a second one on the way.

................

Ahhhh, the white picket fence with all the works.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

Whew! Good thing I snapped out of that day dream.

I'll just keep on keepin' on.

One day I will look back and see all my worries

And I'll think to myself,

How Silly! I wasted so much mental energy 

on what?! 

I know that now, but I still worry

and over think.

I wouldn't be a woman if I didn't.

I'm strong and tough and resilient.

I'll make it to my 

dapper-blue-eyed-no-care-picket-fence....

*uhh*

You get the picture.

For now I know I will be fine.

I'll make it through this crazed arena.

Know how I know?

Phil from Duck Dynasty said so himself.

Because I Jessie can, in fact....

Bait A Hook.

Happyhappyhappy

You're Better Than That...

Weakness...

(Did you cringe? I did just typing it)

who likes weakness... uhh maybe SaTan!

Here's a little story on the matter

*just to lighten the mood*

I love Reese's, they are fantastic!

I had two in my pocket and took them to work with me today

(who doesn't want a chocolate peanut butter pick-me-up?)

I was unwrapping my last one over the garbage, and I could practically taste it,

The smooth chocolate brushing my lips,

as my teeth sunk in sending my taste buds on a peanut butter trip....

*mid-way to my mouth it falls in slow motion to the deep abyss of the garbage can*

Much like the Grasshopper taking the rock from the hand of the Sensei 

I snatched that Reese's right out of the garbage.

I then stood there for a few seconds and a voice in my head spoke softly, calmly, wisely saying,

"Put that down, now."

-It's my last one...

"Jessie... you're better than that"

but-

"You. Are better than that."

I then tossed it back in thinking did I really just have that inner conflict?!

The ground sure, 5 second rule... Garbage... not even debatable.

(That and the fact all the crap from the floor being swept the previous night

was right where it fell. Oh and there was a video camera watching my every move,

that was not something you want caught on tape... ever)

Moral of the story we all have a moment of weakness, 

usually not involving a Reese's in the garbage,

If so, you understand the Dilemma! 

Overcome an urge of weakness today, you'll feel better,

unless it's a spin-off to my story...

Then you won't know if you should feel proud you overcame temptation

Or shocked you even contemplated it.

No matter what it is just remember, 

"You are better than that"

Happy Friday!

It CAN always be worse...

Here I was the last couple of weeks,

having a pity party for myself and

thinking How I hate Pocatello!

And that it couldn't possibly be any worse...

I was wrong.

I love Pocatello...

I love my Life!

Everything Will Be Alright

Behind this dark cloud,

A Bright Sun is waiting to Shine.

Ever so patiently, its warmth stays constant.

Never fleeting, never Waning.

It's easy to forget when it can't be seen.

After every storm there it remains.

So much brighter that the last time.

The same Sun.

It's brightness and beauty seem foreign,

beautifully foreign.

Even in times of cold, darkness

the Sun never leaves.

Watching its golden rays emerge from the clouds

is never the same as the last.

Each time a new found respect is formed.

A new sense of gratitude.

The Sun is the same,

It's during the storm

that We change.

Music can be so powerful, sometimes it's through Song  that we convey what can't be said otherwise,

Oh  Mumford and Sons, you've done it again.

For now I let the tears fall.

Because I Know that the Sun 

will Shine again.

.

Coming Out of Hiding and Going Into Embarrassing

So sorry for my absence, I've been hiding out in my bunker for the end of the world... 

You know, to let the toxic fumes settle and what not,

Turns out the Earth is still spinning. 

Wow what a waste of a whole month! 

Kidding! I'm only slightly crazy and Out of my Mind!! 

Some people took that news seriously,

I bet they feel foolish, I know I do, but for much less :)

What could I possibly feel foolish for

(I know everyone is thinking that question, because clearly I'm Superb!)

Well let me prove that wrong, Not the 'Superb!' part, that is very much true,

I'm talking about the foolish bit.

Let's dive in to these little treats!

First let's begin with the end of 2012

December 31st, a day that will go down with infamy.

 The day the flood gates opened until all waters were loosed.

It all began when my boss made a terribly inappropriate, but hysterical joke.

The punchline was I ended up peeing my pants from laughing so hard.

(Ironically enough, the joke was about her peeing her pants, which she didn't, I covered that).

At least I ended the year with a Spray err, Bang!

3 days later on the 3rd of January I went on campus to get all signed up for school

(Yeee, so excited about that part!)

Anyway, I'm shoe-boppin' around on campus taking care of business,

I just got done taking my Student ID picture.

As I'm leaving the SUB, I see this kid behind a desk by the automatic sliding doors.

(Now to clarify these doors are different than normal, 

You would assume they would slide to the right to open, NOPE, They slide to the left... apparently.)

So I'm staring, thinking he looks familiar, and he finally looks up at me and 

BAM! I walked into the side of the sliding doors... that don't slide.  

Don't worry that this kid thought I was checking him out (which I wasn't, not entirely)

Slightly embarrassed I sprint out of the doors laughing at my stupidity.

I've just been feeling a little sluggish and down the last few days and

I thought everyone could use a good laugh, including myself.

You're welcome! 

BTW I'm more embarrassed about walking into the door than peeing my pants,

sadly this is not the first time that has happened, and I know it won't be the last.  :)

It Only Comes Once a Year

I love the holidays.

And this day only comes around once every year.

Black Friday

23 Saturday Night Live Black Friday(2 min)

(I tried so hard to get the video to show here and not just the link,

You have to watch it. It's pretty funny and

seriously I feel like half the stores/deals are almost this ridiculous...

Only you SNL, only you)

No. I'm actually a little upset.

I feel like all the attention for Thanksgiving 

isn't even for Thanksgiving, but the day after.

Don't get me wrong I do love the awesome deals,

aggressive sprinting for the last flat screen,

and the crazed look that has glazed over everyone's eyes at 4 in the morning!

It's just too bad that Thanksgiving isn't really for Thanksgiving....

Ok Honest truth

I'm only being bitter because I have to work 5:30am Black Friday....

BOOOOO!

Haha well I hope everyone has had an Awesome Thanksgiving

and please don't get trampled tomorrow/in a few hours.

As for me I have a 14 hour work day(laaame) so I'm off to bed.