To say the least, I've been dreading this day for well over a month.
In all honesty, I really do wear my emotions on my sleeves.
Ecstatic, you know it. Sad, where's that smile? Mad... Looookout! Flustered, what's with the waterworks?
Needless to say, if I'm not my chipper self, you can tell with just a glance.
I'm the world's worst liar, but I have told some of the best lies.
It all started with a text message to celebrate a birthday with dinner and friends.
I knew he would be there and my heart beat with anticipation; a memorable sensation that had overcome me every time that we would spend a day together, talk on the phone, go in for a kiss...
I loved him.
I didn't know what would happen, it had been a month and a half since we last talked. Last been in each other's presence. I was slowly gaining back what small amount of sanity I owned.
I knew I was going to cry, of course! I'm a girl, it's what we do... It's what I do. That's me when something happens that I don't understand or like.
I walked through the door longing to see him, praying he wasn't there, hoping all along that he was.
I glanced up and sure enough there he sat, charming as ever. I was instantly sweating like a snowman in July. He was the sun and I was fully aware of our close proximity. I knew by the end of the evening I was going to be one mess of a puddle. This could be problematic.
What is happening? Why is my mouth moving so fast? Oh great, I've started rambling.
Rambling (verb.)- In the act of Ranting not only does the person (Jessie) start talking fast, but also in complete ridiculousness. In extreme cases she may get very loud, have a deep boisterous laugh, and be completely unbearable.
Yep, word vomit knows its way through my mouth all too well. There I was burning through conversation. Where was my filter? If I hadn't known myself any better I would have thought someone slipped something in my drink. That couldn't have been true though, our waitress loved me.
After all, wouldn't you if I accused you of calling all the men at our table Mr. Pimps and then offering to be your "bottom bitch."
( I clearly watch way too much South Park and have a hearing problem.)
Our waitress had asked the guys (because they had sodas) if they would like some more Mr. Pip's. That's the name of the soda at BWW.
Minus the fact that I was looking as hot as hell, I did not play it cool at all, at least my mouth didn't. Where's a bar of soap when you need one?
It was a fun night, I now know that I clearly need a muzzle in public, I'd get less stares from that than when I talk. When I'm nervous all mouth/mind censors are nonexistent. I don't know what I'm saying, when I'm saying it, or what's coming next.
It was pure torture being a seat away and having the wind waft his all too familiar scent of cologne right in my line of inhalation. So many memories flooded my mind, late night conversations, hugs, that scent on my pillow after he left. I know I said we can't be friends, but now I'm saying this; just to be clear, I will kick myself for it in the morning.
This is how I feel, how I feel right now and I can't deny it, I can't overlook it. I would so much rather still have him in my life than not. It might will be tough at first, but I don't want to lose anyone in my life for good.
Everything has its own Reason and every Reason has its own Place.
I'm still trying to find the perfect spot for this Piece, but soon enough it will fit into my crazy puzzle of a life.
I've learned a lot, gained a lot, and can now say I won't lose a lot.
